We're facebook friends in real life
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
