What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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