i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
