Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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