I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
