Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
