She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
