I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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