covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
