Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
