Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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