Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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