best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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