Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
