So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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