i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
