I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
