If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
