she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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