so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
