She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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