Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
