i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
