he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
