the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Panties = found
Randomize
