I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
