even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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