I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
