i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
