he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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