I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
