He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize