she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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