Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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