I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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