direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
