He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
