Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
