According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
