Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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