can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
