Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
