i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
