I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Randomize
