Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
