it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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