Welp...herpes.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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