Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
