Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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