You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
