Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
