Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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