its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
