I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize