Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I understand Curling. That high.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Randomize
