I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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