I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
