Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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