I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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