What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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