I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
